The Little Blind Girl has gone out to run errands, so I, the Evil Hamster, will be writing today’s blog entry. Yes, let the sycophantic cheers and the wailing and lamentations from the unbelievers echo through the streets: the Evil Hamster is back!
I see that my soft-hearted mistress has been tagged with an Internet Meme and, being the shy and retiring creature that she is, has been reluctant to take up the challenge. But I, who have no such inhibitions, shall gladly put forward this manifesto of Ten Burning Questions as tagged from Sunny Side Up!
1. Describe yourself in seven words:
Genius, Visionary, Brilliant, Terrifying, Awe-inspiring, Legendary, Furry.
2. What keeps you up at night:
Perfecting my plans for world domination.
3. Who would I like to be?
How could I want to be anyone other than myself? There are those who weep and gnash their teeth because they cannot approach the glory that is me. But if I had to be someone else, I suppose I could deal with being Napoleon. Had I been fighting the Battle of Waterloo, history would have taken a very different course.
4. What are you wearing right now?
There is no apparel in this world more magnificent than my fur coat. Cruelty-free, of course; all my cruelty comes from inside!
5. What scares you?
Nothing! I am fearless, I am what the monster under the bed has nightmares about. I stalk the streets in the certain knowledge that the worst thing lurking in the shadows is me. When you turn out the lights and climb into your warm, comfortable beds and close your eyes at night, remember that somewhere out there, preparing for his great moment, is the Evil Hamster.
6. The best and worst of blogging:
I see my mistress slaving away at the blog and wonder at the effort she puts in to a mere four or five hundred words nearly every day. She starts out each post saying, “This is going to be the funniest post ever!” and ends it by saying, “I’m not even sure I should publish this. It’s garbage! No one’s going to laugh at this.” I have never experienced self-doubt, but I think it must be the worst part of blogging. The best part, of course, is the comments, which is probably why my mistress keeps at it every day.
7. The last website you visited:
http://worlddominationsummit.com/. I’ve been asked to be the keynote speaker.
8. What is the one thing you would change about yourself?
I am the pinnacle of evolution! Everything about me is what life has been striving to create for billennia! But now that you mention it, I think I’d make myself a bit…taller.
9. Slankets, yes or no?
My God, man! What sort of a blog do you think this is?
10. Tell us something about the person who tagged you:
Lori Ann Franks, who writes Sunny Side Up, is not personally known to me. However, since my soft-hearted mistress regularly reads and laughs uproariously at her blog, I suppose I may spare her come the revolution. She appears to be a very erudite, humorous writer who possesses both common sense and a sense of the bizarre, a rare and worthwhile combination. I may install her as court jester, or perhaps as personal groomer; I will definitely not, however, make her the official driver!
Our training program is still in its infancy
Ah, I hear my mistress at the door. I must leave you now and return to my training camps to inspire the recruits. Remember, when you hear a tiny click-clack from somewhere behind the walls and you wonder what’s creeping about, the Evil Hamster is laying his plans! You will never know what is coming until the blow falls! Viva la revolución!